Saw Jamie Foxx tonight. He is so talented but matches that in equal parts of vulgarity. A little is fine but he’s over the top. I’m no prude but really - using the ‘Ef’ word is just not that creative.
FQ was miserable, covering his ears half the time. I kept pointing to the 80 year old in front of us who was NOT covering his ears. And was dancing with the very chic black woman next to him, who was NOT his wife…though his wife also seemed to enjoy their show!
I was one of the few white women there but one of ‘us’ had to get on stage and be a damned fool. She was competing with a ‘thick’ woman, a ‘big’ woman, all Jamie Foxx’s words, in his pole dance-off kind thing…I hurt for them all.
Sexual grinding, necessary for lovemaking but not for public display makes for nothing short of public humiliation for most middle aged women.
We might have had our day - but that window’s closed now and looks better with a little draping if you get my drift!
Amber is a mom now so there is always something big happening in her world by proxy…aka LILY!
Joanna and Cheyenne had big wins this week. I don’t want to brag but it’s hard to balance being so proud and then NOT bragging. But I am proud. They are owning their lives.
The boys are less forthcoming so I don’t really know what happened in their world this week. But I do know George is excited that we will be in NYC to visit him soon.
…it works both ways. Meaning sometimes - it is more than fair.
As we mature we learn to better understand of our own sense of ‘fairness’ and to do our part to live fairly too…or as objectively as we can anyway.
And to accept that no matter what, things won’t always be fair or go our way. So then we have to learn to let it go. I have learned to visualize holding ‘it’ and then opening my palm and watching it float away.
An old friend - 30 years worth - made an absolute pass at me today. Very strange.
A) we are both married though neither spouse was there today and b) while he is very good looking, he is not nor has he ever been - my ‘type.’ When I said flat out ‘Are you serious?’ he replied that he’s often wondered about me over the years…and he added that he ‘did not mean to offend or harass’ me.
Then I turned my attention back to the burial we were attending.
Feeling intense emotion as youngest just left for her senior year at FSU. With each of the five kids, I remember clearly the set of emotions as they left for school for the first time. One has not made it to the end of his senior year but with that exception, I can easily recall their senior year good-byes too. They were joyful and hopeful with no exception. I felt somehow that I had helped launch them to their adult lives and it was satisfying in every instance. Kind of like that easy breathing stage one grows to appreciate with enough good living…
Maybe because it brings an obvious conclusion to much of my life’s work, this time feels weird. Somehow my own mortality is staring me down. Even though I have built a full life - more so as each has ‘flown’ the coop, collectively they represent the place where I have spent most of my emotional energy and they are without question, my finest investments. None is perfect - just as I am not, but each has a set of strengths that make them enjoyable company and fun to be with. And lately it seems we are growing more able to all be together and forgive the little annoyances that can turn a spark into a fire fueled from leftover childhood vapor.
Having just returned from a perfect family reunion where all the girls were with me, maybe I am feeling the strain of separation that I have not felt in awhile. I was keenly aware of my hesitance in saying good-bye to each of the three. I just didn’t want it to end.
I’ll keep processing this and see where it takes me. One thing I am even more thankful for is the company of a husband that I still love and enjoy. He is like a warm and worn blanket and keeps me glued to the world in a way that I appreciate…which is why I made him home made blackberry cobbler today. Truly, the way to his heart is through his mouth…;)